did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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