Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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