DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
