So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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