She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
