Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
