Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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