we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
