Welp...herpes.
this will be a night to untag.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
