well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
