I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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