I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
