At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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