Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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