Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
