The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
