when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
