Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
