I have demons in me.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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