Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
