I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
