Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
