My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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