I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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