got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
