Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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