So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
