I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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