One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
