If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
