I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
