ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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