Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
