this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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