My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
