Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
