drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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