Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
