Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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