I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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