Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
