doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
