never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
