A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
