At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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