And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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