Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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