Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
