Don't you send me to vm
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
