just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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